


The Lost Solo

by EndoratheWitch



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jakku, Love, Missing Persons, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5668132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren fears that Rey may be his long lost sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whispers from the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on an idea by mean-princess on tumblr who will be my cohort writing this!!! The idea is all hers I am just going to be the writing vessel! :grin:  
> 

Kylo wrapped his arms around himself in the darkness. He hated himself. He knew he was not awake, he sensed he was still unconscious. He could feel the hum of a ship in his body even though he felt separated from it, but he could also feel her. She was here, Rey. He had tried to learn more from her than just where the map was, he had thought maybe, maybe she could be his sister. He felt a connection, but it was elusive. And part of her was locked up tight away from him. When she started to push back, he had slipped. But the connection. Why was he pulled to her like that?? If she was his sister, what kind of abomination was he? He felt attracted to her, but there was that fear, could she be Padme, his little sister, or as she preferred to be called, Breha, her middle name, lost years ago when they lost the Falcon? 

He came conscious with a start sitting up despite the pain his body was in. He was in a room on the Falcon were so many bad memories dwelled, but she was here. She was here. 

* 

His memories of that time were hidden in darkness and pain. He was on the Falcon with his father, Chewie and little sister Padme. He could not recall the exact events as they occurred. He had spent too many years since that time in darkness, trying to forget them. The only events he could recall with any clarity were the screams of his name, his little sister's voice crying for help, the feeling of anger from his father, the fear of him when the boy he used to be, Ben had lashed out with the Force. He had been out of control, his powers fed by his anger and fear. Their family had lost everything at once, the Falcon, his sister and him. 

The lure of Snoke, promising him relief from his pain, acceptance his family could never really give him. His father blamed him, deep down, for what happened to the Falcon, to his sister. His mother feared he would become like her father. She loved him, but it was tinged with fear of him, plus there was a lingering doubt about the fate of Breha. His mother never said anything but he knew, she had to still feel Breha in the Force. His uncle Luke had feared losing control of him, always pushing for Ben to deny his feelings. None of them accepted him as he was, that his use of the dark side was not evil in and of itself, he had only wanted to save the ship, his sister. They all thought his sister dead because of him and he had let them think it. It was worse knowing she was alive somewhere, but lost. 

Kylo laid back down again as he fought to push the memories away once more. Maybe he had found her. Maybe Rey was her? She fit the age, her Force abilities untrained, but incredibly strong. But, his attraction to her was overpowering. He closed his eyes grinding his teeth. Was he more of a monster than even he could imagine? 

* 

The next evening Rey came down to see him. She had been fully aware when he regained consciousness, but she had also been aware of his turmoil. Not that she knew anything about what he was dreaming about only that his dreams were causing him pain. It was clear along the odd connection they had. He sat up on his elbows looking at her, the wound across his face seemed to blaze in the dim light. “You said you would train me?” 

Kylo frowned. “Where are we going?” 

“We are following the map to Skywalker.” 

Kylo came to his feet swiftly. He swayed unsteadily, putting his hand against the wall, straightening himself. 

“Skywalker?” He said the name neutrally, but something dark lurked in his eyes. 

“Yes, but before that we are taking a detour back to Jakku.” 

“Why Jakku?” Kylo suddenly felt a wave of fear. 

Rey tilted her head studying him. “I...I'm not sure, but you need to go.” 

He stared at hard at her.


	2. Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gathering info on Jakku

Kylo was thankful that Chewbacca stayed with the Resistance. He wasn't ready to face him, to face what he had done, but the pain and betrayal he felt toward his father was still very raw. He was surprised that Rey would be alone with him after everything, but perhaps after their fight on Starkiller Base, she felt confident enough to match him in a battle if it came to that. He reached out to touch the scar across his face with a smirk. And he supposed she would be able to match him with her raw power of the Force. 

* 

The flight to Jakku was odd. Kylo Ren stayed mostly quiet, his answers to her questions were continually delivered in monotone. She thought at first perhaps it was because he was angry, a prisoner of sorts, but she didn't really feel anger coming from him, more confusion, hate directed inward, and fear, but fear of what she wasn't sure. There were times she would catch him looking at her with such an expression of want that it made her heart stutter, but then the mask would fall into place, his eyes becoming shadowed, his features collapsing into a scowl. He struggled to hide his emotions; it was as if he wanted to appear dead inside and out. 

* 

Rey didn't bother to restrain Kylo as they left the Falcon. It wouldn't do any good. She had made a deal with him, she would let him instruct her on some aspects of the Force. She hoped maybe she could reach him. She felt it, the light still in him just as she also felt the pain he was in. She didn't say anything, but she hoped maybe she could help heal him. As they walked she absently put her hand on the saber at her side. She had his saber along with Skywalker's on her belt. She knew he wasn't unarmed exactly, but she felt better having the saber on her. 

“So where are we going?” Kylo had his hood up, the shadows cast by the dark cloth kept his features in darkness. 

“I feel we should start where I stole the Falcon.” 

Kylo lifted a brow at her. “You stole it?” 

She shot a sideways glance at him. “Well, the First Order was trying to kill us at the time since they were after BB-8 and the map.” 

Kylo said nothing. He felt a strange pull in the Force. Not from Rey—he felt that constantly like a magnet trying to draw him closer. The feelings he had for her were strong. He pushed them aside to focus on the other pull. It was familiar, like an echo. Rey glanced at him. “You feel something, don't you.” 

Kylo frowned. “Lead the way.” 

* 

Rey led them to Unkar Plutt's junk and salvage yard. “I should warn you, he is not going to be happy to see me, nor is he going to want to tell us anything.” 

“What information could he have?” Kylo narrowed his eyes, pulling the goggles that Rey had given him down over his eyes protecting them from the sun's harsh glare. 

“I don't know, but we need to talk to him about the Falcon.” They made their way into Niima, Kylo following slightly behind Rey without saying much until they came to a large tented area. She walked inside, making her way to an alien behind caged front. When he saw her, he immediately started yelling. “Where is my ship, you little thief!” 

Rey narrowed her eyes, a slight smirk on her face. “Unkar Plutt. You need to tell us about how you got the Falcon.” 

Kylo lifted a brow, impressed with her. He could feel her will through the Force as she directed her attention toward the alien. The fact that she went straight to using the Force was interesting as well, he would not have thought that would be her first choice. 

Plutt looked confused and then frowned. “Got the ship off a junker by the name of Torr.” 

Rey stepped forward, tilting her head. “There was something else... I can feel it, what was it? Something you found strange.” She pressed forward. Kylo watched her, surprised at the aggression in her. He could feel that this Plutt was someone Rey did not like. Controlling her anger toward him was difficult, but she was managing “There is something you are holding back. Why?” 

The alien looked at her. “He had a young girl with him, not his...he offered to sell her, but I didn't need her.” 

Kylo was startled. A young girl with the Falcon. “What happened to her?!” Kylo stepped forward, but Rey reached out placing her hand on his shoulder. Kylo snarled, but remained still. Rey looked back at Plutt. “Where can I find Torr?” 

“Not sure. He comes and goes. Haven't seen him in a few months now.” 

“When you saw him last did he have the girl?” Rey pressed. 

Plutt shook his head. “No. Torr likes to hang out on Takodana at Maz Kanata's place, but I heard the First Order attacked there. If he made it out, he could be anywhere.” 

Kylo moved closer to her. “Ask him where Torr could have taken the girl.” 

Rey focused. “The girl, what might Torr have done with her?” 

Shaking his head, Plutt snarled. “Any number of things, but most likely sold her to a gang. Young one like that, brought up to be a pirate or gang member I would think. Looked too human to be worth much as a slave except maybe on Tattooine, but he wouldn't get much for her.” 

“Did he tell you her name?” Kylo stepped closer, but Rey put a hand on him again. 

“No, no name.” 

Rey released him. Plutt weaved in place as Rey grabbed Kylo's hand. “Come on before he gets his head clear.” 

They boarded the Falcon soon after and just as the ramp closed, Rey turned to him. “Tell me who this girl is? I can feel your rage and despair over her. Who is she? Why does she mean so much to you? I mean, when she went missing you could not have been more than what, fourteen, maybe sixteen?” 

Kylo glanced down. He didn't want to look her in the eyes, but he muttered, “My sister. My little sister, Padme.” 

The frown that Rey had been wearing deepened. “Your sister?” 

“Come on. Let's go and I will tell you more, all right?” Kylo snarled, stomping away from her. 

* 

They were heading back to Takodana to look for any clues on this Torr. Kylo said little though Rey could sense his fear and anguish. Some of what he was feeling was directed at her. The urge to comfort him was strong, but she wasn't sure if he would let her and she wasn't really sure how to anyway. 

Once the course was set and the ship was on auto, Rey motioned Kylo to come with her. He had been in the co-pilot seat helping her, but saying very little. They headed back to the rest area to grab something to eat and drink. 

Eventually Kylo sat at one of the small tables there, nursing some sort of hot tea, though he could not place the flavor. He rolled his cup between his gloved hands. 

She spoke quietly, pouring off her own cup of tea. “Your sister?” 

Rey sat down across from him. Kylo looked up, his eyes haunted. “I thought you might be her.” 

Her gaze showed surprise. “Me?” 

Kylo frowned, his eyes staring at the dark liquid in his cup. “You are the right age. The Falcon was on Jakku, you were on Jakku. Your Force abilities...” He glanced up, his light eyes meeting her slightly darker ones. She could clearly see the pain in his brown eyes as he whispered, his voice laced with anguish barely concealed. “But you're not, are you?” 

Rey sipped her drink before answering. “No. I don't think so. I don't remember a brother.” She smiled at him. “I think somewhere I would remember having a brother.” 

“I hesitate to ask, but there is one way to know for sure.” Kylo stared at his drink again as if there was a answer in the cooling liquid. He spoke again without looking at her. “There is a way, I...” 

Now he did look up and he was clearly uncomfortable. “I could look into your mind, but I would also allow you to look into mine.” 

They stared at each other clearly recalling the interrogation. Rey turned away, uncomfortable. “I don't know if I want to do that again. Not sure if I can.” 

“This time would be different. If neither of us are resisting the other...an understanding...then we would both know for sure. Neither of us would be hurt, nor would anything be taken without the others consent.” He closed his eyes after he spoke. He didn't want her in his head any more than she wanted him in hers, but he needed to know for sure whether she was his sister, whether she had any memories that she had buried, because he could not look at her without something happening, a reaction beyond simply a physical attraction. He was drawn to her like a smoke moth to a flame, and just like a smoke moth, he figured his attraction just might kill him.


	3. What Did You See

Rey opened her eyes slowly. At first she was disoriented, her gaze moving around taking in her surroundings. What she noticed first was the sound of water crashing on the shore, she was surprised she knew what the sound was having never heard it personally or even seen it, but she simply knew. She turned toward sound, her eyes becoming more and more focused on her surroundings. There was water everywhere causing her to gasp in shock. Never had she seen so much water! 

That was when she realized she was standing on a tall outcropping of white rock gazing out on a vast ocean. The sight before her was amazing, so much water, here and in the distance, so much green where she saw land below her. Eyes nearly as round as planets, she gazed around her; she couldn't stop looking. She could smell the salt in the air, taste it on the wind. A strange urge to jump into the water was so strong it took a great deal of effort to fight it. Then something below her drew her attention. It was a boy, maybe twelve and he was crying. Her heart ached to see him. He was dark headed, tall and very slender. 

She could sense his isolation. He had no one who could understand what he was feeling. He was filled with so much pain that it physically hurt her. They were all afraid of him. Carefully, Rey made her way down the rocks, over to the boy. As she got nearer there was something about him that seemed—familiar. “Boy? Are you hurt?” Just as the words left her mouth, the boy looked upat her, his face tear-stained. She jerked in surprise. It was Kylo Ren—no, wait, Ben Solo. He frowned and then murmured. “My sister is gone and it's all my fault.” 

That was when bright light flared into her eyes. She dropped to her knees, the light creating pain that flared across her head. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. After a moment darkness descended and she was able to open her eyes again. When she could focus her vision, she found herself in a room, a large, echoing chamber, the ceiling seemed to reach forever. The place had a coolness to it, not cold precisely, but an emptiness, a place that was suppose to be calming. However, she felt someone here who found it stifling. As Rey moved around in a circle taking in her new environment she realized that there was a man here. When she saw him she knew him instantly, the Jedi Master Skywalker. In front of Skywalker there was a teen, Ben; it was Ben. 

His hair brushed his shoulders, falling into his face. She sensed he liked it that way, to hide his face. She noticed that his lip was bloody and there was a nasty bruise forming under his left eye. He looked up at Master Skywalker from where he sat on the floor on his knees. 

“Ben, you need to learn to close that door to the dark side. Do you realize you could have killed Selno?” 

The teen looked up, eyes full of anguish. “I try to control it! But I didn't start the fight, Uncle. He said I was a lost cause and that the only reason you haven't killed me as a Sith was because I am your nephew. I'm not a Sith!! He said even my parents were scared of me! That no one wanted me around...He said...” 

Luke narrowed his eyes marginally. He said nothing and Rey felt the teen collapse on the inside, no one listened to him. He told them about the fights, he told them about the voice, but all he was ever told in return was not to give into the darkness in him. That he had to fight harder because there was so much Vader in him. What was wrong with his grandfather? He had been a hero in the clone wars! He had fallen in love and had children despite that the Jedi laws said. His grandfather had been powerful, no one beat him up all the time. 

Ben heard the lure of the voice again as his uncle talked about discipline, more training, focusing and a million other Jedi lessons. But Ben was listening to the voice that had been whispering to him for so long, almost as long as he could remember, a sibilant hiss, telling him the Jedi didn't want him, that he was damaged, damaged from the beginning, that was what Master Skywalker believed. His parents didn't want him, that was why they gave him to his uncle. His uncle didn't want him, scared of how powerful he could be, scared that Ben would be more than even Vader was. They were all afraid of him!

The voice spoke to all Ben's fears, explaining that they blamed him for his sister, the Falcon, they only saw him as a threat of what he could become, he was the cause of his parents living separate lives, he was the cause of all their pain. He had heard them, heard their thoughts, how dark he was, how he needed to be watched, to be trained to be controlled, he knew...and Ben felt...betrayed. Why, if they cared, did they not listen to him? Why was the Resistance more important, everything his parents did was more important than him. Then when he attacked his uncle, left the temple, why didn't they try to save him? All they ever talked about was saving him from darkness, yet it was the darkness of the Force that understood him. 

His parents, who said they loved him, they never came for him...they never tried to save him. The voice had been correct, he was unwanted, but the dark side wanted him. Snoke saw him as more than a child, more than his name. Snoke trained him, protected him, it was the light that had always hurt him. Rey felt an intense pull away from the scene before her. Something jerked her forward. She stumbled, getting her footing before looking up to find herself on the Falcon. She realized when she saw Ben that she had jumped backwards, the precipice that started him down the path. Ben was there, holding a little girl, her face buried against her brother's chest. “Hide Breha...” He whispered the words. 

* 

Just as suddenly as all the images came to her, they were gone and she was standing in front of Kylo Ren, his helmet covering his face, his voice muffled and modulated by the mask. “You saw it?” He asked her in a voice devoid of emotion. 

“Yes. I'm so sorry, Kylo.” 

“I don't need your pity.” His voice was a growl. 

“Are you ready to search your memories?” He turned his head toward her. 

“Take off the helmet,” Rey snarled. 

Kyle lifted the helmet off. Even in her mind, in the Force, the shock of seeing his face washed over her. He did not look like a monster, not at all. She found him attractive, there was a pull she felt toward him. But there was also a deep sadness, he felt there was no hope for him. That he would never come back to the light. His darkness called to her, she felt the need to heal him, but she also felt a pull to fall into his darkness. 

He frowned. “Ready?” 

“Yes.” 

* 

She was on a ship, a small girl with light brown hair and bright brown eyes. She was playing with a doll as two adults argued over what to do. She knew it was about her, it was always about her, about the things she did, lifting toys without touching them, pushing things in her room without touching it. It scared them. Rey didn't pay them too much attention because it upset her. She didn't know what had changed but they were afraid of her now. She had simply wanted a drink, it had been the last time she had used her powers, as they called them. They had yelled at her. She had not been able to reach the glass and so she asked it to come to her, which it did. 

* 

The scene changed. 

* 

Kylo was suddenly standing beside Rey looking down on a scene of a young Rey crying. A ship taking off, leaving a small girl behind. She was pulled along gruffly by Unkar Plutt who desposited the small girl with a group of villagers. “Teach her what she needs to know.” He spat at them before walking away. The little girl never used her powers again after that. She ignored them, and eventually forgot about then. 

Fifteen year old Rey, surrounded and fighting with a handful of other young scavengers. She was quick and even in the memory, Ren could feel her use of the Force, only enough to make her movements faster, allowing her to win against her bigger opponents, but it was clear Rey didn't realize what she was doing. 

Just as suddenly, the two of them were staring out at the desert, but she was alone. She had her own place now, no one could hurt her. There was a part of her that she tried to keep buried, that knew they were never coming back for her. But she had to hold on to something, to believe that someone loved her, that someone out there cared. They both saw Rey in her goggles looking out into the dimming Jakku sky. She was completely alone. 

* 

Rey glanced at the person beside her also watching the younger Rey. It was Kylo, no mask, just him standing there in the Jakku desert with her watching as the lonely younger Rey slipped into the hollow body of her home. Rey reached out, her fingers brushing his. His fingers reached out to caress hers until she took his hand. They held hands in silence before she spoke. 

“I understand loneliness,” she whispered softly. 

* 

They both emerged from the Force connection at once. Kylo looked down in surprise to find that Rey really was holding his hand in hers. He frowned. “You're not her, are you?” 

Rey sighed and there was a hint of sadness. “No. I am completely alone.” 

He tilted his head, his voice soft. “Not completely.” 

She stared at him. His voice was gentle, surprising her, but she knew his fears, his deep loneliness and more. 

“Let me help you find your sister.” Her voice was soft. 

“You still want to help me? You can't trust me, you know.” He said it in such a way that it was almost a challenge. He wasn't warning her so much as preparing her. She knew he felt it, deep down, that he had let everyone in his life down, even now he had betrayed Snoke by letting her into his mind, by sharing with her some of his memories. He felt unworthy. Rejected by both, the light and the dark, trapped in an eternal grey. 

And now, he wanted to stay with her. She felt it, the same attraction not just physically, which she had sensed was intense between them, but within the Force, it was a if they were already intimately linked. She wanted him to stay despite all he had done and she didn't want to be alone again. She felt he was meant to be with her, that they were meant to be together. That was when the ship gave a warning signal—they were approaching Takodana.


	4. Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maz points them in a different direction

They landed with no difficulty despite the Resistance still having fighters stationed on the planet and around Maz's castle. Ren felt that his mother was not here, which he found gave him mixed emotions, relief that he would not have to confront her, but also a deep sadness. He wanted to go home, wanted to beg her forgiveness. He felt he was lost. But Rey...quickly he squashed the thought before it became fully formed. Maybe he could return when he found his sister, but until then he saw no point speculating. 

As they prepared to leave the Falcon, Ren felt the darkness rising in him, the need to lash out, to protect himself from...he wasn't sure...but the darkness wanted to be feed. Rey kept her hand in his, surprising him as they left the ship. The intimacy of the gesture startled him. She had felt the darkness rising in him, but her contact provided a light in the shadows. 

When she would touch him, he could feel her settling him down. She helped him remain in control. Rey glanced sideways at Ren, her eyes soft with understanding. He nodded tightening his grip around her hand before they stepped off the ship. 

* 

There were so many people working, rebuilding parts of Maz Kanata's castle, it was controlled chaos. There were several Resistance people moving about as well, who could be picked out by their attire, but there was also an air about them that said they were not pirates. 

“Just stay close to me,” Rey murmured. 

For a moment, Ren almost laughed. No one had ever “protected” him before. It felt strange that this young woman would feel the need to do so now, or was she protecting others from him? No, he could feel that was not the case. She was worried for him. Rey cared for him...why? He shook off the feeling. No one cared for him. 

They received a few odd looks when they exited the Falcon. It was strange for him, to be out in the open with his face uncovered, exposed to the light. No one in the Resistance knew what Kylo Ren looked like, and few in the First Order did either. He had only been seen by a few without the mask. 

Here, he could move about without being recognized. In a way he could be Ben Solo. That thought made his chest constrict. He had not been that person since he was young—Ben was dead, at least that was what he had told his father. The thought of his father made him go cold, but Rey's hand in his squeezed harder as if she sensed the coldness in his soul. 

Rey looked over the heads of smugglers, traders and a few Resistance fighters, when she picked out the small figure of Maz Kanata staring right at her as if she had been waiting for them. Maz smiled at them, the lenses making her eyes seem larger than usual. Maz stared at Rey, then her eyes, behind their large lenses, flashed over to Kylo. Something passed in them. 

She frowned and her expression turned to one of deep sadness. Ren gazed back, his body stiffening ever so slightly. Rey felt something in him shift. She couldn't be sure what it was, but she felt a sudden hole in him, a loss of something though he said nothing. 

Maz motioned at them to follow. Rey tightened her grip on Ren's hand surprising him as she pulled him along. It was as if she knew he would be reluctant to go, but her determined grip said she was not going to give him a choice. They were following the small alien woman. 

* 

The halls of the damaged castle were dark with only a little light shining through some of the windows that ran along the hall. A haze of dust choked the air that reduced visibility and made breathing less than optimal. They followed Maz until she came to an old door that she opened with a wave of her hand. She glanced over her shoulder with a narrow eyed look before she ushered her two visitors inside. The room looked as if it served as an office of some type, with a large old wooden table (too large for the small alien woman) and a handful of chairs of various sizes. Papers, boxes of metal or wood of various sized were everywhere. There were bit and pieces of equipment, computer parts, and even droid sections littered throughout the room and a console with an embedded computer. 

Rey took a seat in one of the chairs facing Maz, though Ren chose to stand behind her. He pulled his hood down low over his face, resting his gloved hands on the back of Rey's chair. 

“You stop that nonsense, Ben Solo! I know it's you even now you're a man. I remember the boy you were.” 

“My name is Kylo, Kylo Ren.” 

She glared. “Your name is Ben Solo. What you call yourself now means nothing to me.” Taking a breath Maz let it out slowly. “You're father...” Rey felt the hands on the chair behind her tighten, the sound of wood and creaking leather filled the room. 

Fury rose up in him, fury and pain, so much pain that it was a physical thing as it rolled over Ren and then to Rey through the Force bond that was in its beginning stages. The pain was so deep that Rey physically gasped out loud with it. 

She reached behind her, putting a hand over his squeezing. 

Maz walked over to him. She waited a moment before she reached out and pried both his hands from the back of Rey's chair and grasped his hands in her smaller ones, her eyes pained. He tried to yank away from her, but the tiny alien woman was stronger than she appeared. “Oh, Ben, what they did to you, what Snoke did to you.” 

Kylo stared down at Maz. He remembered her from when he was a child. The images were fuzzy, but they were there still. Her ruffling his hair when he was still smaller than her, holding her sister as she talked with his mother. Laughing with Uncle Chewie, Maz slipping him little blob candies, the two of them giggling. 

They didn't come here often, usally with just his father, but he remembered the times when his family had been whole. He swallowed, staring at her. “We are looking for a man named Torr.” Maz stared back at him, squeezing his hands. There was a hint of tears at the edges of her eyes while she looked up at him. She said nothing for a long moment, but then nodded slowly knowing that nothing would be solved with Ben right now. She squeezed his gloved hands once again before she let him go and returned to the seat behind her desk. 

She glanced at Rey. “So I'm to assume you two have gone rogue? General Organa doesn't know you're here does she, doesn't know you're here.” She stared at the man who insisted on being called Ren. 

Rey frowned, reaching for Ren's hand again. Maz watched this without comment. “No, no one knows we are here. We are looking for Padme Solo.” 

She had been looking through some papers when Rey's statement caused her to look up quickly and stare. “Padme?” Her voice barely a whisper as her eyes went to Ren. He stared back at her, his lips pressed firmly together. His eyes were emotionless, but Maz felt a ripple of pain from him. 

Rey glanced at Ren, but he seemed content to let her speak for them both at the moment. 

“Yes. We have reason to believe she might still be alive.” 

Maz leaned forward, her elbows on her desk looking lost in thought. 

“Why do you think this?” She looked between the two of them. Rey went on to explain Ren's suspicions as well as what they encountered on Jakku. She didn't talk about her and Kylo sharing their memories. It seemed too intimate to tell anyone else about. 

Maz rubbed her chin in thought. “I don't recall seeing him recently. Let me look up some flight records. Though I can't promise anything. Pirates don't like records of their comings and goings. I have a few for my own purposes. But you two better not be spreading that around, get me into trouble—I don't like trouble. Hmm... Maybe I can tell you when he was last here, but he has never had a girl with him as far as I have known him.” Her eyes drilled into each of them, but settled on Ren. “Are you sure that Padme is alive, Ben?” 

He only twitched a little at the use of that name, but he said softly. “I know she was alive when the Falcon was taken all those years ago. We spoke to someone who saw her not long after that incident. We are hoping she might have been sold.” 

Ren then closed his eyes, a sharp pain in his chest. Rey's hand was still wrapped around his hand. Maz muttered to herself about the disorganization of records she kept, the First Order ruining her castle and something about smugglers and pirates being worse than childern. 

Ren opened his eyes when he felt something, more like a whisper, the ghost of a memory in the atmosphere. It wasn't his sister or this Torr person, but it was a call. He felt it deeper along the Force. Then he recognized it for what it was... 

Luke. 

His uncle. Maz, the lightsaber, Rey. This was where she had found it. Ren suddenly walked quickly out the door. Rey glanced at Maz, who sighed, then Rey rose to swiftly follow him. Rey knew exactly where he was going as she followed him. He was going to where she had found Skywalker's saber. Rey caught up with him to grab his hand. “Kylo?” 

He didn't say anything, but only followed the pull until he came to the room, the box. He reached out touching it. “Did you feel it when you were here before?” He looked at Rey. 

“I had a vision...” She whispered softly. “It was confusing, I saw the Knights of Ren, you. I saw Master Skywalker and R2-D2...I saw myself as a child, the Falcon leaving...A voice called my name. I don't know, Ren. I don't know.” 

He stared down at the box that had contained the saber. “This box, it once belonged to a Master Kenobi, I can feel it, the imprint left on it. He held it for my uncle, but it came to you instead...why?” 

He turned to look at Rey. “You're not my sister, but who are you?” 

She stared at him, her eyes filling with tears. “I don't know. I don't know.” 

* 

They decided their next course of action after they returned to the Falcon. Maz had told them that Torr had been there and gone before the First Order's attack. After that, there could be any numbers of places for a smuggler to go. As for any information about a young girl, there was nothing. She had suggested they head to Tatooine, where there was still a strong slave market and it would be one of the best places for Torr to get rid of the girl. Granted, that had been years past, but they could not be certain until they investigated. Kylo was not happy about going there. He knew all about that planet, another desert like Jakku, but also where his uncle had grown up and Kenobi had found him. His mother had told him the stories when he was a child. 

They decided to get some supplies and leave tomorrow; his sister had been missing all this time, another day would probably not make a difference. Plus, it would give Rey a chance to get a few parts for the Millennium Falcon. She had brought something to eat from Maz's kitchens, nothing fancy, just some topato soup with haroun bread. It was hot and filling. For Rey, it was still like eating the best food in the galaxy. Ren simply nodded thanks, eating without tasting anything. 

“Can you tell me what you remember about growing up?” Rey wasn't looking directly at him when she asked, but it was easy to sense her attention on him. 

Ren sat on the floor, his back against the wall. With one long leg stretched out in front of him, his arm rested on the bent knee of the other. He frowned, not looking at her, but rather staring at his bowl. 

She blushed. “I saw what happened with your...the Force, the Jedi...Master Luke. I want to know...was any of it good? Having a family, a sister? Parents that loved you?” 

Ren moved a chunk of the bread around in the remains of the soup. “Yes, there were good times. Before my powers became so strong, before everyone was scared of me and before my sister was lost. Yes.” 

Rey was sitting on a chair, one foot pulled onto the chair, her arm resting on her knee. “I don't remember my family. Not really.” 

Leaning against the wall, Ren gazed at her, his head slightly tilted. “I saw that, your memories are of Jakku, but your parents are dark shapes and voices.” 

She smiled sadly. “I guess I intentionally turned them to shadows. That way, they could be anybody, people that would come for me.” She still felt foolish for having deluded herself all these years about someone caring enough for her to return. 

She moved from her chair and sat on the floor next to Ren. “Your family loved you, but still were scared of you. In a way I guess they abandoned you. Just like mine did.” 

He snorted softly. “They tried, I suppose, to love me. I mean, I understand. But...you're family just left you, never looking back.” 

She reached out, laying her hand on his knee. He covered her hand with his. She rolled her hand over to lace her fingers with his. Ren stared at their hands, fingers intertwined. She leaned against his shoulder and her voice hitched softly when she spoke. 

“I don't want to be alone anymore.” 

Ren swallowed. It was so strange, her holding his hand, leaning against him, that despite everything she...needed him? Someone needed him. He looked down, confusion, fear, need, all these feelings ran across his face and through his mind in an instant as he squeezed her hand gently in return. He was accustomed to being feared, or others being threatened by him. He hurt people. That was how he had been raised, by Snoke, the Order. Snoke twisted him, forced him to think a certain way. The scarred Force user had showed him the power of the dark side, showed him what he could do. But the light wanted him desperately. It was as if there were parts of Ren that the darkness couldn't touch. The dark side pulled, tugged, while the light tried desperately to shine into him. But Rey, she shined for him, with him...what was he to do? What could he do? 

He pulled her to him. He moved so swiftly that she didn't have time to react before his arms were tight around her. He surprised her as he wrapped his arms around her. He held her against him tightly. She could feel his pain along their blossoming Force connection. He was torn in half, he was bleeding, but not from a physical wound. Ren whispered against her hair, his grip on her tight. 

“I don't want to be alone anymore either.”


	5. Beginning Bond

He was angry. Hux was very, very angry. Snoke demanded they retrieve Kylo Ren. As far as Hux was concerned, letting the arrogant bastard go was a wonderful idea. He was trouble between his barely contained temper and his continued instability. Hux thought they were better off without him, Force powers aside. But Snoke was adamant. He wanted Kylo Ren back within the fold, back where he could control him. Hux took a breath before he hit the call button. “Phasma come here.” Within the next hour, he had a group of Phasma's best stormtroopers and pilots ready. They would bring Kylo Ren back—dead or alive. 

* 

Rey stroked her fingers through his hair. It was surprisingly soft in her fingers. His arms were tight around her, strong yet surprisingly gentle. He hadn't had anyone this close to him since before his mother sent him to his uncle. He wanted to hold her tightly, to touch her, caress her. She moved to straddle his lap, her body's warmth was like a gentle brush against his body. She held his face against her breasts, her fingers weaving through his hair along the back of his neck comforting him. Kylo closed his eyes, inhaling her scent, feeling the softness of her breasts against his face. She could feel a slight tremble in him as her hands moved over his shoulders. Tilting his face up to look at her, she brought her hands down from his hair, caressing her fingertips long his cheeks. He needed her, but she knew she needed him too. Together, they would never be alone again. She leaned her forehead against him, feeling the bond between them strengthen. 

There was darkness hidden behind his eyes as his brown eyes gazed up at hers The pain was what drew her. He was hurting, had been hurting for a very long time. That Snoke had been working for years to twist the poor, isolated boy, haunted by what he felt was his fault, twisted that pain in on him and used him. 

Rey wanted to take the hurt from him. The urge to heal him was so powerful that she didn't fight it. She leaned down to brush her lips against his, her warm breath caressed his mouth. Kylo was so shocked by the tenderness of the gesture that he didn't move, didn't respond. In fact he didn't know how to respond. She could feel it, his fear, uncertainty, that he wanted to give in to her, but wasn't even sure how. She brushed her lips across his again, slowly. The slowly growing bond between them seemed to flow in and out, twisting invisibly between them, back and forth weaving into something unbreakable. 

Kylo's hands moved to her sides, fingers slowly balling the fabric of her shirt in his hands, holding onto her, needing to hold on, to anchor himself in this moment. She brushed her nose against his, her mouth nipped at his lips. 

“Ben...” She whispered his name and something shuddered through him at the way she said it. His hands finally released her tunic to run up her back to her shoulders, his mouth opening to her. Offering to drink her in, Rey took him. 

Her tongue plunged into his mouth making him moan. They both felt it, like a pulse in the Force, moving between them, the bond becoming tighter still. She pressed in closer, wrapping her arms around him, stroking his neck, his hair, and her body responded with need. Heat flowed through her, making her feel things she had never once in her life felt before. Kylo groaned, he felt it too, she was drawing so much from him. His body wanted her, he wanted her. 

Their kisses became more desperate. Needy, he yanked her against him while she dug her fingers into his shoulders pressing herself against him. Her mouth moved over his in wet, heated kisses, their tongues twisted together, tasting each other. They bit at each other as passion and need took over. He pulled them down, rolling her onto her back. He laid on top of her, his mouth hungry to explore more. She wanted to so much more, she ran her hands down his back pressing his body against hers the heat building in her groin, spreading out like a spinebarrel, strong, powerful and open to something new that would help it grow. 

Kylo opened himself up to Rey, gave in, he could feel a warmth growing, the light. That part of him that was still Ben responded to the light from her. Rey felt his darkness; it drew her, the two of them becoming equal. He moaned, his mouth moving along her jaw. “I want you, Rey.” His voice was a hiss of want, desperate need. 

The two of them struggled against each other, she pulled at his robes needing to feel his skin under her fingers. Kylo yanked her tunic down off her shoulder, biting down on flesh in an erotic combination of pleasure and pain. She felt him caress her thoughts and she let him in, they started to share the burn between them when suddenly the sensor alarms on the Falcon began to bleep in warning. 

Neither of them responded at first, she was enjoying his lips and tongue exploring the slope of her collar. But then Rey grabbed his shoulders and pushed. “The alarms!” 

Kylo looked confused for a moment, but then he quickly stood taking her hand and pulling her with him to her feet. Rey looked confused. “We're being forced out of hyperspace!” 

Kylo hurried over to the controls, his eyes flashing over them quickly as memories of being on this ship as a child flooded back. His father teaching him to fly her. He shook himself. “Only Interdictor cruisers can do that—someone must have one.” 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, the Falcon dropped forcefully out of hyperspace only to find a small group of vessels in front of them. Kylo snarled. “Pirates.” 

Rey grabbed Kylo. “We can hide!” 

Snarling, Kylo narrowed his eyes as he looked out of the cockpit. “I don't hide.” 

Rey turned him, cradling his face in her hands. “There are only two of us.” 

The look on Kylo's face told her he could probably take them all. She rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks. “Let's see what they want first.” 

The frown was deep, the furrow between his brows looked both pained. “Don't you feel it, Kylo? Something in the Force...this attack is important.” 

Kylo stared into her eyes. She saw the struggle, but then he nodded. “All right.” 

She smiled, taking his hand and pulled him to where they could hide.


	6. Pirates

Dropping down into the hidden compartment, Kylo's mind was suddenly flooded with memories. He remembered hiding down here from his father with Padma. She would be giggling, her small hands covering her mouth as she tried to stay quiet, her big brown eyes staring up into his, dancing with humor. He would hold her close, making faces at her while she giggled. They would listen to their father searching for them, saying loudly how clever the two of them were and how someday they were going to suprise him to steal his ship. Uncle Chewie would yell at him that he was looking in all the wrong places which made the little girl laugh uncontrollably. Ben would start to giggle too and soon they were caught because of their fits of laughter. Uncle Chewie would reach down into the old smuggler compartment to pull them out of the hiding place, the two children laughing uncontrollably. 

Kylo's hands formed into tight fists at the memories. He had to push those thoughts aside, it hurt too much to think of the sister he lost. How different would things have been if he hadn't lost the ship, lost her...lost everything. 

Rey sensed the turmoil in him, the pain. She reached out ,brushing her fingers on his arm bringing his attention back to the here and now. He moved closer to her as if he needed her presence and her hand slid down his arm providing comfort. Her fingers moved over his, lacing with them as they both listened. 

* 

The Falcon was being pulled by a tractor beam which caused the old ship to shudder and creak against the pull, almost as if the old girl was fighting against it. Rey glanced at him, her grip on his hand tightening for a moment.. He held hers squeezing her hand in return communicating his reassurance to her. His brown eyes met hers. He wasn't used to reassuring someone. He was used to being alone, but he held her hand trying to communicate that he would protect her. His expression didn't change, but he saw the way her eyes relaxed looking at him. That was when they heard the hatch open and then the sound of feet stomping onto the ship echoed down through the floor where they were hidden. There were muffled voices at first, but as the pirates approached their hiding place, the voices became louder. One of them was rather loud. They could heard everything that one said, though the other one with him was quieter and harder to hear, not just because they were soft spoken, but the accent was very thick. Judging by the footfalls and voices, there were only two of them. 

The pirates moved to the front of the ship. Rey and Kylo could hear the loudest pirate talking about the ship being garbage. Kylo could feel anger radiating from Rey. He glanced sideways in surprise. Her brown eyes met his. From her expression, he discerned that she was upset the pirates were insulting the ship, his father's pride and joy more so than he ever was. Kylo turned away looking back up trying to mask his feelings from Rey. She didn't completely pick up on what he was feeling, her abilities still new to her, but she could feel hurt, loneliness and anger too, but his was different for a reason she could not pick up. 

Their attention was diverted from each other to the pirates above when one of them asked. “Think there might be smuggling compartments?” Rey unhooked his lightsaber from her belt, shoving it into his hand. He squeezed his fingers tightly around it the hilt of the weapon; he felt more secure with it in his hand. She pulled out his Skywalker's saber, her knuckles turning white as she grasped it. They both returned to gazing upwards, ready to kill if the need arose. 

They heard the echoing sounds of footsteps on metal as the two pirates moved about the Falcon. 

“An old ship like this? You really think it would still be able to out run any of today's ships? I'm surprised the thing made it into space!” 

The one pirate who sounded human started to laugh. Rey made such a face that Kylo found himself swallowing a laugh, something he had not felt like doing since he was a child. Rey turned on him glaring, but he calmly laid a hand on her upper arm. She settled down, but she was not happy about them talking poorly about her ship. 

And then Kylo stiffened, he felt something, a ripple through the Force, familiar but only vaguely and from long ago. He shifted, looking up trying to catch a glimpse when they both heard someone else step onto the ship. 

The voice of the third person that filtered down to them was female. 

“You two stop playing around. I want the ship searched, logs downloaded. I want to know why it was here and where the crew are and I want to know yesterday!” 

The other two pirates spoke together “Yes ma'am, Captain Torr.” 

Rey turned to look at Kylo and mouthed silently. “Torr?” 

He shared a look with Rey. They thought the Torr they were searching for was male, though this person was clearly female (or at least had a feminine voice.) But then Kylo shifted his gaze back above him. The voice was not one he knew but there was something about the woman above, a feeling in the Force of...familiarity...that he should know her. 

The captain—Torr—walked overhead. Her boots made a crisp clip against the metal walkway. Kylo could tell it was her by the sound of her steps, the lightness of her movements on the deck above them. But also the ripple she caused in his Force senses was telling. The woman was clearly Force sensitive. 

Her steps halted right on top of their hiding spot. Kylo hissed. “She knows we're here.” 

Rey glanced over at him. “What?” 

Suddenly the hatch was yanked upward. Rey and Kylo were suddenly staring up at the barrels of blasters held on them by all three pirates. Kylo instinctively moved in front of Rey, his lightsaber springing to life. 

One of the pirates fired, but Kylo used his saber to deflect first one shot. The next shot he stopped mid-blast, but a third nicked his thigh. Kylo dropped to his knee with a hiss of pain. Rey cried out. “Kylo!!” It was chaotic for a moment as Rey leapt out of the compartment, using a combination of the Force and her own abilities. She let out a snarl, coming after the pirate that had fired at them. 

She was moving quickly at a pirate who looked to be a bothan. 

Kylo followed Rey, doing a flip to quickly leave the smuggling compartment, landing on his feet with a ringing thud on metal. He stumbled as the wound on his thigh caused him to lose his balance. He saw the other pirate from the corner of his eye, but it was their captain that he was facing off with, Torr. She was clearly human, short brown hair, dark brown eyes and there was something about the set of her mouth that reminded him—strangely—of his mother. Neither of them moved when Kylo faced her. She frowned, tilting her head ever so slightly in confusion. But then Torr snarled, “I want them alive!” One of the pirates made a grab for Kylo. He didn't move, letting the pirate take his saber, roughly tying his hands behind him. 

Kylo glanced quickly at Rey and shook his head. She had managed to get the pirate she was fighting, a human male cornered. She hissed when she saw Kylo allow himself to be bound. 

He had felt her will to fight, and he was sure they could win, but there was something about Torr. She was Force sensitive, not enough to become a Jedi or a darkside user, but it was there. Judging by the way she looked at him she felt something too. Rey extinguished her saber with a disgusted look and let the pirate she had cornered take the weapon and bind her arms behind her too. Torr clearly looked confused by the fact that they easily gave up. She hissed, “Take them to the holding cells.” 

* 

They were escorted off the Falcon onto another ship. Torr left them to her men when they stepped onto the ship, walking away with their sabers and only one look over her shoulder at them. Kylo wasn't sure, but he thought the ship might be an old Interceptor-class frigate. As they were escorted into the bowels of the ship several pirates of varying species eyed them. Some took on threatening postures or muttered angrily, but most simply stared. The holding cells were located in the back of what must have been a storage area at one time, but had been converted into cells. It was dark and musky and the faint smell of some animal permeated the air. Rey and Kylo saw a row of cages, a basic design for keeping animals which Kylo thought probably explained the smell. Rey wrinkled her nose. She had smelled a lot of different animals growing up on Jakku, but this was clearing something she had never encountered if her face was any indication. 

The two of them were roughly shoved into a cell, the electronic locks beeping and locking. The men left them in the cells without a word, and the few lights that had come on around the area went off when the men shut the cell door leaving them in darkness. Rey muttered, “At least they put us in a cell together. Gives us a better chance for escape.” “I don't know...” Kylo sat down in the cell, his knees bent to rest his arms upon. Rey slowly moved over to him, sitting beside him with her shoulder leaning against his. “What is it? We could have taken them in a fight, but you stopped. The woman leading them, her name was Torr, the same name as the man we are looking for. That can't be a coincidence.” 

Kylo took Rey's hand, holding it between his, his fingers brushing against hers. “There is something about her, did you feel it? She is Force sensitive.” 

Rey frowned. “I felt something. You think it could be her? Your sister? Is that why we allowed them to capture us?” 

Kylo kissed the tips of her fingers. “I suppose there is a chance—I just don't want to get my hopes up.” Kylo let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her, pulling her close. Rey lay her head against him taking his free hand in hers. “Rest, Rey. I will keep watch.” Kylo spoke softly, almost a whisper. Rey smiled, his voice soothing, the way he held her made her feel safe and protected. Two feelings she was not used to having. She closed her eyes. 

* 

In the cockpit of the ship, Torr sat in the pilot seat, one booted foot up on the console, both lightsabers in her hands. She examined the weapons with an air of confusion and curiosity. She had heard stories among the smugglers and pirates growing up about Jedi and Sith lords, lightsabers and epic space battles. The battles she had seen the remains of...the rest...well...now she had two weapons that looked to her like lightsabers. She had never seen one before, but she just knew that was what these weapons were. Perhaps in dreams she had dreamt of lightsabers...it was hard to remember. She had purposefully pushed those dreams and memories aside. 

In the dimness of time and memory she thought maybe she had seen one before, in the hands of a woman with long brown hair and eyes full of love yet conflicted and a man with blonde hair who seemed so old, older than he looked. Torr shook her head. Memories she refused to revisit—they led no where. She had no family. This was all she had, this ship and her crew. Whoever these strangers were she would learn their identities and find out if ransoming was worth her time, or perhaps sell them as slaves to some Hutts. Either way, they would not be her problem for long.


End file.
